A turning point.

Enough with the posturing, the slacking and the general apathetic complacency that's arosen since I've graduated from school. I've been lazy; I find myself just absorbing information and ideas without even attempting to digest what I'm intaking. I'll read the paper, scan some blogs and it enters into my consciousness without tripping any sort of alarm. Maybe I'm being paranoid and too self-critical, but I feel like time is running out and I've yet to produce anything worthwhile. I almost feel pathetic in a way, even though I've not a legitimate reason for that sensation.

But so much for all of that. I have ideas - the creative block that was like some sort of gauzy veil across my mind has finally blown away. Not to say that I'm writing a compendium of my nightmares and the flashes of brilliance that I experience while doing a #2, but I certainly feel like I'm past the stagnancy of the past several months. Obviously, the first step in my recovery has been the fact that I'm actually writing again. In the past, I've only written when I felt that great urge - now, I'm trying to write down everything that is even half-worthwhile, in the hope that underneath the disorder and situational irrelevance, there lies a glimmer of gold. I'm making more of an attempt to construct my ideas, to form and shape them, before I rush them out to be viewed or critiqued. This has its disadvantages, however. I find myself over-analyzing everything, and often, rejecting the entire piece as cliched, silly, or just plain junk.

Second, I'm trying to take influence from channels outside my normal realm of experience. When you hardly have time for yourself, it's hard to move beyond the norm, without sacrificing the will to do the things that you love most. Obviously, I'm going to still read the NYT for most of my news, but I've found myself investigating conservative outlets, just to gain an understanding of their position statement and to help solidify my own arguments. There's influence and inspiration in a myriad of sources and just because you don't agree with something, doesn't mean that it isn't valuable and irrelevant.

And I'm just now figuring that out. Well, I figured it out a while ago, but I've only now been actively using that concept to my own benefit.

Obviously, this is a rough draft and it'll stay rough. I don't eff around with editing a blog that no one reads, as it's more for my own personal use, rather than any sort of glory. I do feel like I could start writing a book at this very moment, but I have work to do (and a Clash DVD to watch!)

Grad school starts soon, too. I'm so psyched, but sad. I'm ready to move on with my life and get into that next stage of becoming a professional whatever, and I'm tired of Cincinnati, even though there are so many things to love about this town. But the things I love most about this city are my friends who live in it and not with any of the other bool that goes along with it. That hurts, but being apart from my Allison is going to hurt the most. We talk about the Athens/Chicago split so much, that it makes my head hurt. I'm planning on being a solid dude, and I'd presume she is too (albeit as a gal.)

Wha, I'm done.